A Day for Education

Haiti, currently, is like a game of hid and seek.  Being the seeker, aka me in this situation, is the worst part of the game when you are kid, because not only are you alone, but looking around for people always kind of felt like work to me.  However, as you get older the emotions you feel as the seeker add another layer of fun to the game.  And I mean running around trying to find people is way better than having to wait in possibly an comfortable position for someone to find you.  As the seeker, you feel excited about the chase as you want to find as many people as quickly as possible so you become frenzied in a way, but there is also that sense of fear.  What if I cannot find anyone?  Or what if I open up this closet and one of the hidders jumps out at me? Let's just say that I see the game of hid and seek as a much more complex than most people.

As I experience Haiti a little more everyday, I feel this constant excitement towards my new life and this fascinating country around me, however I am definitely hesitant, scared in a way about learning too much too fast.  What if something bad happens that sullies my current perspective of Haiti?  What if I commit a huge faux pas that damages the perception Haitians have of me? All of these emotions are contributing factors to why I have not gotten behind the wheel of a car before today.  In my defense, driving in Haiti is an intense experience.  If you are able to avoid being swallowed up by the enormous pot holes than you are in good shape, but the pot holes while treacherous do not move as the dogs, children, and countless amount of other people do along all the road ways here. It is said by Haitians that in America you look straight ahead to see where you are going, but in Haiti you look side to side so you do not hit anything or anyone.  Definitely a unique experience. 

Finally today, I embraced my fear and drove Elizabeth and I to the gym.  To be honest it was at 6:30 in the morning so the roads were not that full, the perfect time for me to try maneuvering through the streets of Petionville. I did well and learned that the horn is my friend and that the biggest vehicles always have the right away.  To my dismay, when I went out later with Enock, one of our staff, to get some hanging folders and some baby asprin for our really old, deaf guard dog Sheba.  He made me drive.  I was fine going through Petionville, but when he said we had to stop by his house to pick up his son, Billie, who was sick and needed to go to the clinic, I became a little nervous.  Well that apprehension was well founded as Enock leaves in a small slum out side Petionville built into a very steep slope.  Lets just say there were no other cars where we went.  When I got back to the house feeling very proud I survived, Dom, another staff member, laughed at me as he says those are some of the worst roads in this area and that it must have been quite a challenge to navigate on my first day of driving.  Knowing this made me feel even more triumphant, because not only did I not hit anything, but I also took on some of the meanest roads in Petionville.  

While I thought I had had a very educational morning. I learned about a peaceful manifestation taking place in downtown Port-au-Prince (PAP). This demonstration was brought on by a statement made by the Secretary of Education today regarding the FILO exam, the national exam students have to take to get into college, it is like our SAT. The way this exam works is students have to get at a 800 out of 1400 in order to pass and get into a university.  However, if you get no lower than a 700, you are able to retake the exam 3 months later, while all other students have to wait until next year.  Only 16% of the students in Haiti passed their FILO the first time around this year, so the Sec. of Education decided to open the retake to students that got as low as a 600, which is quite the generous exception. The only problem is he made this announcement today, which happens to be the same day as the retake exam, so the students the exception was made for were unable to participate in the retake this summer.  This led to students taking to the streets and marching to the Palace in downtown PAP.  Unfortunately, what started as a peaceful manifestation soon became unsafe as police shot tear gas into the crowds and rumor has it that they even shot one student dead.  Do not worry I am safe and the rumors of a student being killed have not been proven.  In my opinion, the students definitely have a right to be upset and we will see what happens in the upcoming days.

Back to my hid and seek analogy.  If I was trying trying to carefully find people to try and prevent any of them from jumping out and scaring me, I failed. I need to remind myself that I live in Haiti and that to try and limit my experiences good or bad is just not possible.  As this country is a living, breathing entity and certainly cannot be control by a 5'5" 120 pound white women.  It is just an interesting contrast, here I am holding some learning experiences at arms length because I am nervous while the students in Haiti fought for their rights to be educated.  Let's just say a learned a lot today.

Emotional state:  Embarrassed by my fear, but confident I can over come it.

Goal:  to drive my ass off and thrive off the lessons I am learning about myself and about life.  

What most people know about Haiti is...

that it is and has been for a long time the poorest country in the western hemisphere. But what does that really mean? Who can really quantify a fact like that? Most people, including me at one point, think that if you have been to one developing country, you have seen them all. I cannot even begin to explain how wrong that statement is. I am not ignoring the fact that the human race loves to generalize and loves to put everyone in a nice, neat box and do not get me wrong I can generalize society, fashion, music, or whatever with the best of them, but when it comes to poverty and human suffering, I must pause.

I think to try and sum up the poor in this world to others through one visit or length of time you spent in a developing country is detrimental to us and them. I do not doubt that I have done it, but being in Haiti knowing I am going to share my life with these people and vice versa for the next two years changes things.

Ok bear with me, think about your worst day in your entire life... go it? I am sure that what you experienced on that day has shaped you profoundly as a person. Ok now imagine that someone witnesses everything about that day and for the rest of your life tells their version of what you went through to every new person you meet and you never to get to say anything about it. Kind of sucks, doesn't it?

Well, in my opinion, that is what we do to the poverty stricken in our world. We walk around like experts informing others of what it is like for them when do not have a clue. There is no way this blog is ever going to be able to comprehensively sum up what it means to be Haitian, but I hope through writing down what I experience I will come to understand the people and my new life here amongst them better

I guess this is the first disclaimer of my blog, I am not sure if there will be others, but here is the first. The stories and people I will be writing about are real and the suffering as well as the joy are not being documented to elicit any particular emotions from anyone, so read this blog and take from it what you will, but realize that this is one's person perspective on a country of millions.

Emotional State: tired with some homesickness sprinkled on top

Goal: to appreciate Haiti and its people for who they are without judging them

Hi I am the dumb, mute blanc from Haitian Ministries. What is your name?

Ok the title of this post may be a little harsh, but it totally describes how I am feeling. Today, my first Saturday in PAP was spent at mass at the Catholic Cathedral, which celebrated its feast day today. Afterwards, we were invited to join selected priests, diocese administrators, and the Archbishop of PAP for lunch in the rectory. Besides, two Canadian priests who have spent over 15 years in Haiti each, Elizabeth and I were the only blancs present. Elizabeth was a huge hit as many of the priests from parishes Haitian Ministries is twinned with were there and recognized her immediately. I tried to be an active listener and stay engaged in the conversation even though I can only pick up on every tenth word or so, thanks to my french background, but my actions unnerved most of the priests as they knew I can not speak or understand Creole, so they were confused why I was acting like I did. My thought process was better to pretend and be involved in the interaction than stand in the corner by myself. Good plan or not that is what I did.

When we finally went up to speak with Archbishop Miot, I was sweating like a pig as it was over 100 degrees today, but I was also feeling totally insecure as I did not even know how to say nice to meet you. Clearly, I did not come prepared. As we approached I whispered to Carlito, who was with us, comment tu dites "nice to meet you" en Creole? He told me quickly and when the introduction was made I said what I thought he said, however I botched it completely as Archbishop Miot just looked at me laughed out loud and said to Elizabeth in english, "she does not know creole does she?" Hurray for me!

If that was not bad enough for the rest of the lunch the Pere Brennais, a priest we know through our twinning program, just kept shouting words in English to me, like 7Up, SALAD, COME, etc. I am laughing to myself about it all now, but lets just say as first impressions go, mine was pretty piss poor. Oh, and just FYI nice to meet you in Creole is mwen kontan konnen ou.

Emotional state: very frustrated with some hope on top that I can learn Creole over night.

Goal: to fully embrace my stupid phase.

Konpa for one?

After a long, not so productive day in the office, Elizabeth, the director of my organization in Haiti, and her boyfriend, Carlito, took me out to hear a kompa band play. I was thrilled to get out from behind our home's walls, but also nervous as I have never been truly immersed in Haitian culture before. No doubt I would stick out like a sore thumb, but I was not going to let a little insecurity stop me from mingling with the people I came to be with.

The word “kompás” in Spanish means “beat” or “rhythm,” and one of the most distinctive characteristics of kompás music is the driving beat, a trait common to many styles of Caribbean music. Kompás music is easy and fun to dance to, incorporating musical traditions like Merengue, which propel dancers around the floor with lively, active beats. It is mainly a partner dance that incorporates lots of spins and turns. You may hear the notes of compás music in a community of Haitian immigrants anywhere in the world, and where there is compás, dancers are usually not far behind (all this according to wikipedia).

Now the crucial part of the Haitian music lesson above is that kompa is a partner dance and when you go to a kompa concert, not only without a partner, but also as a very obvious third wheel to a very devoted couple things can get a little sad. I found myself standing in this up scale disco (thats what they call clubs in Haiti) really enjoying the music and the energy of the crowd, however when I let my gaze stray to those around me I was one of the only people on the dance floor dancing by themselves. How does that go for attempting to fit in? It made me feel like a school girl at an over crowded dance shaking her junk for everyone to see and no one takes the bait. When in reality, I was probably just another white girl trying to pretend she has rhythm, I mean who really wants to dance with that? Now remember, I am married and already have snagged a dance partner for life, but when you and your husband live in different countries these things become a little tougher.

What I learned tonight is that Haitians really know how to have fun and I definitely felt lucky to be among them. The band, T-Vice, was really very good and I am told are one of the top two Haitian band, not bad for my first night out in PAP (Port-au-Prince). I also learned that having a great time does not make you miss your loved ones less, but rather more as you want to share those moments with them more than anyone else.

Emotional State: content with symptoms of husband withdrawal on top.

Goal: to dance the kompa with a partner next time.

You always forget something!

I have arrived in Haiti today with a sense of relief that the big move was over and with a continued hatred for all airline policies, I mean really who can move their whole life in one 50 pound bag?  Anyway, the important thing is that I am sitting on my new bed in my new home feeling excited.  After a thorough video gchat session with my husband and my mom, I am surprised at how easy it is going to be to stay connected to those I left behind.  Wireless internet in Haiti is definitely a major luxury I am sincerely grateful for having.

What I wanted this entry to focus on is the importance of having a home and the space to create your personal oasis.  I, myself, am a person who loves to travel while still feeling like I am settled, this is a necessity.  My little corner of the Mission House, I now reside in, will definitely be my haven from the hardships I will face over the next two years.  However, that entry will have to wait for another time as I discovered the unavoidable item every travellerc cringes thinking about ... the one thing that got left behind.  For this new residence of Port-au-Prince it would be my battery charger for my camera.  I was prepared to download all the photos I took of my new home to share with you all when my camera died and with no charger in sight I am afraid the visual compliments to my posts are going to be severely lacking.  

Why is that no matter how much time you have or how many lists you go through something always falls through the cracks? I thought for sure I had everything I needed plus a couple of extra comforts from home. FALSE! I guess I am going to have to struggle through the next 3 weeks until my husband comes to visit without a working camera, hurray!

Emotional State: physically exhausted, mentally ready to go.

Goal: to not make a fool of myself on the first day of my new job.

The Night Before it all Begins

Leaving a place you love is never easy, even if it is for the best of reasons. Tomorrow, Wednesday, August 12, 2009, I will leave my home of over 5 years for Port-au-Prince, Haiti, a place many people never dream of going. I am leaving behind friends, family, a husband, and countless amounts of comforts for a position that will surely be physically as well as emotionally taxing.

As I sit here watching True Blood, a show I will surely miss, I still cannot believe I am doing this, but is there every really a good time to up root your whole life and move to a developing country? It is now or never.

My emotional state: scared with a mixture of excitement.

My goal: to throw myself head first into this life changing experience and to keep my doubts out of my mind.